Is it Spring Yet? No? More Hibernation Needed ( Read more... )

birthdays are difficult for me because I invariably and unfailingly think of my mother whose birthday is five days after mine and as an added bonus this year I am thinking of my friend newly lost who has a birthday six days after mine and it is difficult this year, more difficult than the last few and it is sucking so hard I want to just sleep ( Read more... )

I am just missing my mom today. That's all.

Forward and behind ( Read more... )

Sometimes when I first wake in the morning
Before my throat and head clear of sleep
I hear my mother’s voice in my own
Muddled uncertain and fogged
With confusion born of a soul
Tired and weary of waking

S3
June 7 2K19

My mom used to make me Earl Gray Iced Tea. I make it like she did but it doesn't taste as good. It still is a comfort, though.

LP concert Tuesday night. Happymaking.

anniversary of suck today, my mom died a year ago. I want there to be happy memories as she requested, but mostly I am just sad and tired and wish I could afford groceries.

I dreamed that I was moving (because yeah, nightmare even in real life) and I was sorting things into storage and every time I went in to put another box in there would be some disaster to clean up. For instance I took a box in and all my perfume bottles were unpacked and on top of the dresser so before I could go pack another box I would have to ( Read more... )

Toe Doctor went ok, ingrown horribleness taken care of and I literally spent my last dollar on expensive damn lotion he requires to keep them from getting worse, we'll see how that shit goes, ugh. I am not managing to journal every day but at least I have a plan as half assed as it may be. And I did not go outside today because I feel like crap. ( Read more... )

Grief is some weird shit, ok maybe not for everyone, but for me, yeah, weird. Death is not a stranger, not to me nor to others. I was eight or nine when my cousin died in a car wreck, ten when a school friend died in a car wreck, eleven or twelve when our church youth pastor died in, yes, a car wreck. Of course, there is the ‘she almost died’ of my ( Read more... )